i am just the singer (but you are the song)
by images-in-words
Summary: Rachel reluctantly goes on tour to support her first album, fearful that being apart from Santana will harm their relationship. Santana has a plan to dispel those fears. (AU)
1. Chapter 1

**i am just the singer (but you are the song)**

 **chapter one**

 _they say that the road ain't no place to start a family_

 _right down the line it's been you and me..._

 _and lovin' a music woman ain't always what it's supposed to be_

 _oh, girl, you stand by me -_

A bump in the road jolted the tour bus, startling a moody, pensive Rachel Berry from the song running through her head, and from the daydream that accompanied it. She was twenty-six years old, already the recipient of two Tony Awards, a Grammy Award, and rumor had it she was sure to be up for an Emmy for her televised performance special, "The Art of the Stage: An Evening with Rachel Berry." She had come a very long way from her difficult teenage years as a small-town girl with big dreams in a very short time, achieving so many of her goals so quickly that it made her head spin to think about it.

But she had learned that one always pays a price to make a dream come true, and in the world of show business, that price comes in the form of having to spend time away from friends and family. It was a price that her loved ones all told her they didn't mind her paying, but it was still very difficult for Rachel to accept having to say 'goodbye' all the time. Her dads were notorious criers at those moments, which always set her off, and some of her longtime friends were no better, like her college apartment mates Tina and Kurt, and – surprisingly – her ex-girlfriend Quinn.

Hardest of all, of course, was parting from the love of her life, the one person who had helped her most of all along the way, and the one who understood the stresses and strains of life as a performer more than anyone else, having become quite a successful one in her own right: acclaimed pop singer / songwriter Santana Lopez. She was the reason for the song, and the thoughts it evoked, that had been dominating her consciousness these long days on the road.

This was Rachel's first major tour, in support of her first album of all-original material, and when she had balked at the idea of going on the road to perform the songs for the fans that wanted to see her all across the country, Santana had narrowed her eyes and asked Rachel if she was crazy.

"You _have_ to do it, _querida._ It's the logical next step in your career path. You have thousands - millions of people, even - clamoring to see you, people who will never be able to go to New York and see you perform on Broadway. You need to get out there and connect with them, let them know youknow about them and that you love them just as much as you love everyone who comes to the theater."

Rachel frowned. She knew that Santana was right, of course, but she didn't have to like it.

"They know I know about them. That's why my fan club sends out an official newsletter – with pictures! - every month."

Rolling her eyes at Rachel's weak, half-hearted protest, Santana replied, "Right, because that's _exactly_ the same as seeing you on stage, singing for them the way you sing for the people at the theater."

"Okay, okay," Rachel laughed, holding her hands up in surrender. "I know, I know, you're right. But...we just bought a house! With a _pool,_ Santana! A pool, and a multimedia room, and a sauna, and...I just really wanted to spend some time with you, enjoying everything we've worked so hard for. I don't want to spend six months, or a year, on the road, away from you, away from everything we've built here."

Left unspoken was her fear that the time away would have a negative effect on their relationship, that they would grow and drift apart, and when she returned, it would be to an empty house.

"That's very sweet," Santana said in her best placating tone, knowing the fear behind the words, taking Rachel's hands in hers to draw soothing circles on her palms with her thumbs. "And you know I feel the same way, but look – we got through my last two tours just fine. Granted, they weren't as extensive as yours is probably going to be, but...still. Nothing's going to happen to us, all right? I love you, and you love me, and there's nothing in this world that can change that fact. We'll keep in touch every day. We'll Facebook, we'll Skype, we'll actually talk on the phone. Everything will be good, trust me."

Rachel smiled, allowing herself to feel reassured, enjoying the warmth of Santana's hands in hers. She nodded, indicating her desire to hear more.

"Call Shelby and tell her you'll do the tour, then call Tina and Mercedes and let them know you're in the market for backup singers. Kurt's already your personal stylist, and of course he's been designing dresses for you to wear since you started recording the album. Let the people who love you help you and share in your success. They want this for you as much as you do."

Rachel's expression brightened still further at the thought of wearing Kurt's new creations and singing with Tina and Mercedes again. It would be just like the old days, when they were chorus girls and Santana was playing coffee houses.

"All right, all right, I'm convinced! I'll call Shelby now and tell her to start booking shows," Rachel conceded. Santana let out a soft _yay!_ and Rachel couldn't help but giggle at her girlfriend's affectionate silliness, leaning forward to plant a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Mmm," Santana hummed with pleasure at the feeling of Rachel's lips on her own. "I gotta admit, I'll miss our sweet lady kisses when you're gone. But I promise you, Rachel – I'll come out to visit you when you're on the road. Somehow, somewhere, I'll find a way, I swear."

"I'll hold you to that," Rachel said, and the look in her eyes let Santana know she meant it.


	2. Chapter 2

**i am just the singer (but you are the song)**

 **chapter two**

It has been said by many a musician that the only thing worse than touring is _not_ touring.

There were many things about that Rachel had quickly grown to love about the experience - the travel, the sightseeing, the learning about different places and people all over the country – but there were other things about it that she had just as quickly grown to dislike. She found that she needed to be much more careful about taking care of her voice on the road than she did even when she was doing eight shows a week on Broadway. She had to talk less, drink more hot tea, and get more sleep (the last of which was sometimes not very easy to do on long overnight bus rides along interstate highways, even though the tour bus that Shelby had been able to acquire was the very best vehicle available on the market).

And the thing that Rachel disliked the most about touring, of course, was being away from home, and Santana. Of course, Santana had been true to her word: they had indeed communicated with each other every day since Rachel had left, whether by phone, Skype or Facebook, and Rachel had honestly never felt more loved or secure – which only made her miss Santana more. While all the conversation was nice, and certainly reassuring, there was no way for them to replace the non-verbal communication that had become even more common between them than talking: the sensual language of touch, and sound, and scent. Rachel found herself longing for the smell of Santana's perfume, and during one particularly difficult off-day in some town whose name she couldn't remember, went to store after store searching for a bottle of it, just so she could spray it in the air on her pillow. She slept in one of Santana's old Fleetwood Mac T-shirts every night simply because it smelled like her.

She missed hearing Santana's laughter tickling her ear even as her lips nibbled at the delicate skin of her neck, and the light touch of Santana's fingers running through her hair. She missed hearing her sing in the shower. She even missed her soft snoring as she lay curled up on the couch in front of the TV after a long, grueling day in the recording studio. And she especially missed being kissed awake in the morning, and hugged at random moments 'just because.'

And there were... _other_ things Rachel missed, too – things that made her blush deeply whenever she thought of them, prompting knowing looks and gentle, sympathetic laughter from Tina and Mercedes whenever they would catch her with that dreamy, far-away look in her eyes, which was often. The frequent late-night hotel room Skype 'dates' were poor substitutes for the real thing, and sometimes she would cry afterwards, filled with an aching desire to be touched by Santana's hands and not her own.

Sometimes she felt overwhelmed with loneliness, and it was only the constant love and support she received from Kurt, Tina, Mercedes and all her other friends, plus her band and crew and even Shelby, that enabled her to maintain any kind of emotional equilibrium. That was the silver lining in the dark clouds of melancholy that threatened to rain on her parade on those days.

For her part, Santana wasn't doing much better, but she wasn't about to let Rachel know that. Blaine and Kitty and Sam and all their other friends made a tremendous effort to keep her spirits up, constantly calling and coming over to make sure she was kept busy, but she missed Rachel terribly. As the tour went on and time and distance became more difficult to bear, there were days when she found it difficult to do much more than stay in bed, watch videos of her little diva's performances on her laptop and cry.

It was after one such day that Santana decided that she just couldn't take being apart from Rachel anymore. That was the day she started to plan.

Due to extraordinary popular demand, as Rachel's album sales soared and rave reviews for her performances poured in, the tour expanded to include shows in cities that had not initially been booked. This delighted Shelby, but even though Rachel and Santana were happy about the tour's massive success, they became more and more agitated over the ever-increasing workload and complex scheduling the expansion required.

Santana decided that a simple surprise visit backstage wasn't going to cut it – no, she wanted to make one of those grand gestures of which Rachel was so fond. So she called Shelby to discuss her plan.

"Hey, Santana," Shelby answered the phone brightly, genuinely happy to hear from her. They had a very good relationship, both personally and professionally, although it was Shelby's friend and business partner Holly Holiday that was officially Santana's manager.

" _Hola,"_ Santana said. "What's the latest news on the business front?" She didn't really keep up with too much industry stuff, figuring that was what managers were for.

"Well, Rachel's album has officially gone gold and is on its way to platinum, and your last album's sales have gone up too, since Rachel's been mentioning it every night. You know that the DVD shoot at the Hollywood Bowl show is coming up next week, right? She's a little nervous about it, although of course she'll never admit to it. The TV special was one thing, but this is a whole different animal."

Santana frowned. She knew that Rachel's perfectionistic tendencies could cause her to overthink everything and spur her to try and get involved in almost every aspect of the project, even though Shelby had hired the very best director and production company in the business to handle it. Rachel would have control over her performance, of course, choosing the set list and working with her band and crew to ensure it was the best show of her career, but the director would have a great deal of input as well, and she did _not_ need to get involved in any struggle over control.

"Which is why I'm going to fly out there before the show to surprise her. It will be a great way to keep her focused on her performance and lower her stress level."

Shelby chuckled. "That's a fantastic idea, Santana, but what about _your_ stress level? I know you're not exactly a big fan of air travel."

It was true. Flying was not Santana's favorite thing in the world, but she knew it would mean the world to Rachel for her to push through her fears just so she could be there for what promised to be the crowing achievement of her career to date.

"I told Rachel a long time ago that I would do anything for her, and I meant it," she replied, shrugging. "I want this to be the most special event ever. I'm pulling out all the stops."

"That's wonderful, Santana. I know that this tour hasn't been the easiest thing for you two to deal with, but I have to say you've handled it really well for the most part. I'm proud of both of you. Don't worry about a thing – Holly and I will take care of all the arrangements."

Santana smiled as the Tiffany Jewelers web site came up on her laptop's browser. She sipped at her coffee and set down the mug next to the computer, clicking through pages, making mental notes as the images loaded. Then she opened another tab and typed in her favorite florist's web address.

"All except one," she said, and her smile widened.


End file.
